6 Things I Wish I Had Been Told About Parenting

Parenting is a journey filled with unexpected lessons and challenges, often learned the hard way. As a parent, there are many things I wish I had known earlier—things that would have made the process smoother, less stressful, and more rewarding. In this article, I’ll share the six key things I wish I had been told about parenting, hoping to offer some guidance to those navigating this beautiful, sometimes overwhelming, journey.

I Wish I Had Been Told to Be Proactive

One important lesson I wish I had learned earlier in parenting is the value of being proactive. With the large number of siblings, nieces, and nephews in my life, I had ample opportunities to think through hypothetical situations, like what it’s really like to have your firstborn or how to tackle common challenges. Still, I didn’t take the time to do so. Instead, I relied on the assumption that I’d figure it out when the time came. I was juggling school, work, and other responsibilities, so I thought I could just “cross that bridge when I got to it.” However, I now realize the importance of anticipating and discussing challenges before the baby arrives. For example, how do we divide the responsibilities of parenting? There’s a traditional divide between the breadwinner and the home caretaker, but what does that look like in practice? When the breadwinner comes home, is their role strictly that of the provider, or do they share in caretaking, too? Thinking through these scenarios ahead of time can help avoid conflict and create a more harmonious parenting partnership.

I Wish I Had Been Told How Flexible I Would Need to Be

Another key lesson I learned was not to make promises that may become hard to keep. Instead of committing to specific actions, it’s better to use language like “I want to try” or “I’ll attempt.” This allows for flexibility as you figure out what works for your family. For instance, I once promised that if I weren’t working or studying, I’d take on diaper changes. But during stressful times, such as finals week when I was exhausted from both work and studying, that promise became impossible to keep, leading to frustration and tension. It was a reminder that we can’t always predict what the future will look like or what kind of child we’ll have, so rigid promises can set us up for failure.

Parenting requires flexibility and adaptability. If you lock yourself into one mode of doing things, it can make life feel more rigid than it needs to be. Take, for example, a couple I worked with who were trying to figure out mornings. One partner worked, and the other stayed home with the kids. The working parent wanted to know if they should get to sleep in, given that they were the “breadwinner,” but the stay-at-home parent wanted more involvement in the mornings. The solution was less about roles and more about agreeing on expectations. The breadwinner’s role, in this case, meant being unavailable in the mornings, which needed to be understood to avoid disappointment. By setting clear expectations and being flexible, they were able to find a balance that worked for both of them.

I Wish I Had Been Told New Parents Imitate Their Parents

One important realization I wish I had earlier is that you’ll likely see aspects of your in-laws reflected in your spouse’s actions. Even if they don’t have a close relationship with their parents, or if there’s little to no contact between them, the influences of their upbringing are often deeply ingrained. We tend to fall back on what we know when we don’t have a clear, intentional solution or approach. This means there will be times when you notice your spouse acting just like their parents—and that’s perfectly normal. It’s easy to get frustrated by this, but rather than fighting it or trying to prevent it entirely, it’s healthier to expect that it will happen from time to time.

Ideally, these behaviors and practices will align with what you both naturally agree on, so it won’t even be an issue. But when there’s a disagreement on how to parent based on differences in how your spouse’s parents approached things, it’s important to avoid using that as a weapon in the relationship. Instead, viewing these moments as a natural part of marriage—an opportunity for growth and understanding—sets you up for more success. Accepting that you will sometimes imitate the previous generation while being flexible in how you navigate can make a big difference in how you manage parenting as a team.

I Wish I Had Been Told How to Talk About Emotions

As a therapist, one thing I wish I had known earlier in parenting is how to talk about emotions more effectively. Even though I know it’s important to help kids identify and express their feelings, the knowledge from books is much easier than the real-life application. I often find myself at a loss when trying to help my own kids navigate strong emotions. For example, if one of my kids is angry, I may say, “I noticed you’re upset,” but how do I name that emotion or explain what they should do with it? At the moment, I sometimes find myself feeling overwhelmed by their emotions and unsure of how to guide them. I might recognize the emotion later, but in the heat of the moment, it’s harder to stay focused on helping them understand their feelings.

I wish I had been given a “crash course” in emotional intelligence for kids—how to define emotions, how to talk about them, and how to guide kids through what they’re feeling. I’ve read reports that suggest we need to be careful about how much we focus on emotions, as it can lead to overthinking and contribute to anxiety and depression in kids. This raised a valid concern, but I believe as long as the conversation is healthy, it’s essential. Healthy, in my view, means that the conversation promotes overall functioning and emotional well-being over time.

When we talk about emotions, there can be an initial surge of feelings that were previously suppressed, much like therapy sessions where a person opens up about something they’ve been holding in. Those moments can feel overwhelming, but in the long run, addressing these emotions helps foster growth and healthier emotional functioning. Just like in medical care, sometimes we have to clean out a wound before it can heal properly. While discussing emotions might make things feel worse initially, it ultimately leads to greater emotional health and resilience.

I Wish I Had Been Told to Take Pictures and Journal

I’m not great at journaling, but I’ve been good at taking pictures, especially with the improvements in phone cameras and memory storage. Still, I wish I had been more strongly encouraged to record everything—whether through journaling, photos, or other means. There have been countless moments I’ve tried to remember—family outings, funny things my kids used to say—but I didn’t capture them, and now those memories are lost. It’s a regret I carry, especially as time passes and the kids grow older.

Parents know that as the family grows or as kids get older, it becomes harder to keep track of all the positive moments. Our brains are wired to focus on potential problems, which makes it difficult to hold onto the good stuff. While I have some photos that help me recall happy times, I could have done much better documenting those moments. Those cherished memories could have served as a much-needed reminder during the more challenging phases, like when kids are sick or pushing boundaries as they develop. Looking back, I wish I had more of those positive memories to draw on during those tough times.

I Wish I Had Been Told to Have Regular Check-In Conversations

One of the most important things I wish I had known earlier is the importance of regular check-ins with your spouse. Whether it’s weekly, monthly, or whatever works for your relationship, having consistent conversations about how things are going—what’s working well, what needs improvement, and how the two of you are doing—can prevent issues from building up. Without these regular check-ins, you’re setting yourself up for potential conflict or resentment down the road. It’s just as crucial as maintaining your car—regular oil changes are necessary to keep things running smoothly, and so are these ongoing conversations in your marriage.

Conclusion

Parenting is a continuous learning experience, and while no one has all the answers, reflecting on the lessons we wish we had learned earlier can help us grow as parents and partners. By being proactive, flexible, and open to ongoing communication, we can create a more harmonious and understanding environment for both ourselves and our children. Embracing the reality that parenting is not always perfect and allowing ourselves room to adapt and grow ultimately leads to deeper connections and a stronger family dynamic. Remember, every challenge is an opportunity to learn, and every lesson brings us closer to being the parents we aspire to be.

At sunrise, we embrace the journey of growth, adaptability, and connection to create a stronger family through parenting. Visit us today!  

Author Bio

Joshua Powner has been practicing therapy since 2018, bringing over half a decade of experience to his work. He earned his master’s degree in marriage and family therapy from Colorado State University. He has completed extensive training in therapeutic approaches, including cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavioral therapy, and the Gottman Method—an evidence-based approach particularly effective for couples counseling.

In addition to his therapy practice, Powner served as a clinical team lead at Telos, where he provided high-quality treatment and counseling, managed comprehensive treatment plans, and collaborated with psychiatrists to ensure effective medication management. These plans often integrate life coaching, academic support, and other tailored interventions to support clients holistically.

Powner’s expertise includes a focus on processing approaches and a specialization in working with couples and families, particularly those navigating challenges such as ADHD or high-functioning autism. Since 2023, he has successfully operated his practice, building on prior experience gained through collaborations with program directors, leaders within the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, and other professionals in the field.

His professional development has been profoundly influenced by the mentorship of Dr. Tony Zimmerman, whose expertise in marriage and family therapy shaped Powner’s approach and guided his pursuit of national-level training to become a supervisor. With a deep passion for helping individuals, couples, and families navigate their unique challenges, Powner remains committed to advancing his expertise and providing compassionate, effective care to his clients.