Is Parenting Really Supposed to Be This Hard?
Parenting often feels like one of life's greatest challenges, leaving many parents wondering, "Is it supposed to be this hard?" The truth is, modern parenting comes with a unique set of complexities. These challenges, compounded by societal shifts and individual expectations, create a parenting landscape that is as rewarding as it is demanding. Understanding these dynamics and addressing them can transform the parenting experience from overwhelming to deeply fulfilling.
The Common Challenges of Modern Parenting
Parenting is hard for four main reasons:
Every Child Is Unique
No two children are the same. Each child comes with a unique set of challenges, difficulties, interests, and hobbies. Their individual brain functions, developmental milestones, and interactions with their social environments differ significantly. These variations mean that even after parenting for several years, the parenting challenges evolve as children grow.
For instance, the struggles of middle and high school-aged children vastly differ from those of their formative years. Because of this uniqueness, there's no universal rulebook for raising kids—what works for one child may not work for another.
The Range of Parental Involvement
The second major challenge of parenting lies in how parents approach their role. Some invest deeply in understanding childhood development and their responsibilities, while others choose not to fully engage in learning about the phases of growth.
For example, transitioning parents—those welcoming a new child or navigating significant family changes—may find themselves unprepared for the active learning process that parenting requires. While the idea of having a family may seem wonderful, the reality of adapting to each stage of development can catch many parents off guard.
Although no two children are the same, there are core principles and developmental insights that can equip parents. However, many parents slide into their role without proactively preparing and end up learning through trial and error. This "school of hard knocks" approach often leads them to discover lessons that are already well-documented and readily available.
The Demise of Tradition
One of the biggest societal challenges I've observed is the gradual shift from tradition. This trend is noticeable not just in Utah, where I'm based, but also in Colorado, where I'm also licensed. As society moves further from tradition, we often encounter problems that stem from "reinventing the wheel."
Tradition serves as a set of guidelines—ways to interact, respond to challenges, and manage specific circumstances. These shared practices carry the wisdom of generations, helping us navigate parenting situations that others have already solved. Without these foundations, people frequently rediscover lessons that previous generations had already figured out.
Now, not all traditions are worth preserving. In some cases, rethinking outdated traditions is necessary. However, when we prioritize novelty for its own sake—when being different or a "maverick" becomes the goal—we often find ourselves unprepared and "up a creek without a paddle," as the saying goes.
The "IT" Factor
One of the significant issues we face today is the sheer volume of information we're exposed to. It's a double-edged sword. On the positive side, we have access to more knowledge than ever before, and society is advancing at an unprecedented pace. On the other hand, it can be overwhelming to digest this constant influx of information and decide what's relevant or appropriate to process at any given moment.
For instance, while advancements in research, technology, and artificial intelligence continue to push boundaries, our brains haven't evolved to keep up with the speed of these developments. This disconnect creates a gap where we struggle to establish norms around how to manage this information—what's age-appropriate, what's beneficial, and what could potentially be harmful when parenting.
The rapid growth of information and technology brings incredible opportunities while also highlighting the need for thoughtful strategies to help us navigate this new landscape in a way that protects our mental and emotional well-being.
Parenting Challenges and Solutions
If I had to boil down parenting advice to one core principle, it would be this: focus on connection. Drawing from my training in attachment theory and family systems, fostering secure attachments can be a game-changer for parents who are struggling.
Secure attachment is about striking a balance—understanding when to let kids explore the world around them and when to step in to protect them. It's also about recognizing the differences between secure and insecure attachments and using that knowledge to build a foundation of trust and safety within the family.
Parents who focus on creating secure attachments can address many of the challenges they face in parenting. By prioritizing connection, they lay the groundwork for family strength and resilience, giving their children the emotional support they need to thrive.
Parenting Styles and Their Impact on Family Relationships
One-size-fits-all approaches to parenting are usually problematic. Any parenting method or style that claims to work universally for every family should make you think twice. Families are as unique as the individuals within them, and what works beautifully for one family might not be effective—or even appropriate—for another.
Each family has its own dynamics, values, and challenges. Successful parenting requires flexibility and a willingness to adapt strategies to fit the specific needs of the children and the family as a whole. Embracing this individuality allows parents to create a supportive and nurturing environment tailored to their unique circumstances.
Strategies for Managing Stress and Burnout in Parenting
When it comes to managing stress and avoiding burnout, the first step is awareness. Parents who are most at risk of burning out are often unaware of the size of their emotional tank and how quickly it can be drained by life's many stressors.
The key is recognizing your limits. For example, do you know when you've reached the point where you need a break? Are you able to identify when you no longer have the capacity to give to your children, family, or other responsibilities because your emotional reserves are empty?
Understanding your emotional threshold is crucial. Knowing when to ask for help or take time for self-care can make all the difference in parenting. By being proactive and prioritizing self-care, you can protect yourself from burnout and ensure you have the energy to support those who rely on you.
Some parents may even begin to experience feelings of anxiety or depression. Depression often arises from a sense of hopelessness. When parents feel like everything is overwhelming or unsolvable, it could strongly indicate their current approach to parenting or family life isn't sustainable. The first step is to identify what feels hopeless—what seems endless or impossible to fix.
Reevaluating the environment or seeking creative solutions can significantly affect your parenting approach. Sometimes, even small changes in perspective or routine can open up new possibilities and create a sense of hope.
Anxiety, on the other hand, is often future-oriented. To manage it, I recommend finding an anchor—a goal, value, or sense of purpose that provides stability. This anchor could be rooted in faith, spirituality, or a personal value system. Anchoring your focus on what truly matters to you helps redirect energy away from unproductive worry and toward meaningful actions.
One common anxiety trap for parents is comparing themselves to others, which can create pressure to do more or be "better." By focusing on their unique goals and values, parents can alleviate this stress and cultivate a more grounded, intentional approach to family life.
Signs You May Need Support or Counseling as a Parent
Counseling is beneficial under many circumstances, and I often compare it to maintaining a car. If you notice warning signs—like frequent arguments, emotional disconnect, or a breakdown in communication—it's a good idea to consider counseling.
Even if there aren't significant issues, counseling can be a proactive step, much like getting an oil change. Regular check-ins with a therapist can help strengthen relationships, improve communication, and prevent minor parenting challenges from turning into major problems.
However, if there are clear signs of distress—such as repeated, intense arguments or emotional coldness—these are like seeing smoke or flames under your car's hood. In such cases, counseling becomes essential to address the root of the issues and work toward resolution.
Whether for maintenance or repair, seeking professional support can make a tremendous difference in fostering healthier, more connected relationships.
I once worked with a family whose child had ADHD. The parents were feeling overwhelmed by the challenges and struggling to communicate effectively with their child. In therapy, we uncovered a common issue: the parents often interrupted or assumed they knew what their child was going to say, cutting off meaningful dialogue.
Through our sessions, we focused on creating a space where the child could express themselves fully. As the parents learned to pause and truly listen, they discovered that their child had valuable insights into the family dynamic. Simply pointing out moments like, "Did you notice they were about to say something important?" opened the door to deeper, more meaningful conversations.
This small but powerful shift in communication helped the family build stronger connections. The parents fostered mutual understanding and growth by seeing their child's perspective in a new light, ultimately improving their relationship. This experience highlights how a little patience and intentional listening can profoundly transform family dynamics.
Conclusion
Parenting is necessarily a community effort. The phrase "It takes a village" couldn't be more accurate. Trying to handle everything on your own makes the parenting journey significantly harder.
That being said, I understand that asking for help is anything but easy, especially for single-parent families or those juggling demanding schedules. However, accepting support—whether from therapists, friends, or community resources—can make a profound difference for both you as a parent and your family as a whole.
There is no need to feel ashamed or somehow “less than” when you reach out for help. By leaning on others for guidance, encouragement, or practical assistance, parents can lighten their load and create a stronger, more connected support system. Parenting doesn't have to be done alone, and embracing a communal approach can lead to healthier and happier families.
Author Bio
Joshua Powner has been practicing therapy since 2018, bringing over half a decade of experience to his work. He earned his master’s degree in marriage and family therapy from Colorado State University and has completed extensive training in therapeutic approaches, including cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavioral therapy, and the Gottman Method—an evidence-based approach particularly effective for couples counseling.
In addition to his therapy practice, Powner served as a clinical team lead at Telos, where he provided high-quality treatment and counseling, managed comprehensive treatment plans, and collaborated with psychiatrists to ensure effective medication management. These plans often integrated life coaching, academic support, and other tailored interventions to support clients holistically.
Powner’s expertise includes a focus on processing approaches and a specialization in working with couples and families, particularly those navigating challenges such as ADHD or high-functioning autism. Since 2023, he has successfully operated his own practice, building on prior experience gained through collaborations with program directors, leaders within the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, and other professionals in the field.
His professional development has been profoundly influenced by the mentorship of Dr. Tony Zimmerman, whose expertise in marriage and family therapy shaped Powner’s approach and guided his pursuit of national-level training to become a supervisor. With a deep passion for helping individuals, couples, and families navigate their unique challenges, Powner remains committed to advancing his expertise and providing compassionate, effective care to his clients.
